Recruiting at Lanayru University
by Militarsia
Summary: Lanayru University has been deemed the party school of the century. When two soldiers who still act like the ought to be twenty-one are ordered to recruit there, things can get a bit... odd. Not your average Army men, that's for sure.


"So... none of you want to be here, huh?" a young man asked in front of a jam packed auditorium of college students. His bright blue eyes seemed a bit nervous.

Most were silent. However, a few rude students stood up and shouted, "Hell no, man!", which resulted in a chorus of giggles.

The guest speaker just shrugged, obviously not upset. "That sucks for you then, _man," _he smirked, using the title like an insult. "Because you just get to sit right there and listen to me talk. How fun! Smile lots."

To the west about ten yards, the auditorium doors flung open, revealing a tall man with shaggy brunette locks. Brown eyes were slightly visible beneath them. "Sorry I'm late," he muttered.

"Nah, that's fine, Aldrez. I was just talking to Tweedle Dum over there... Ooh, Starbucks."

Distracted.

The second man glanced up, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Great, now that we have Tweedle Dum shut up, we can start," he chuckled, gesturing to the blue eyed man with a grin. "I know everyone knows why the two of us are here. Oh yes. Army recruiting."

"The late guy is Major Victor Aldrez. I'm Captain Skye Ryder. Good God, this latte is heaven..."

"...Anyways, since we're cool like this, you can call me Vick and him Skye," the major stated, gesturing to each one in turn. "So, most recruiters that come here probably recite that loyalty, career, protection bullshit, right?"

"Vick!"

"Sorry. I mean crap," Aldrez sighed. "But come on, it's not like they haven't cussed before."

"Well, that's true..."

"Once again off topic... So, yeah, we're not. You want to know why you should join the army? You get to kill people."

"And it's great fun," Skye grinned.

"Yeah, quick disclaimer here though. Killing is bad. Do not kill unless... you're ordered to. By an army official... uh, never mind..."

"Epic fail," Skye sighed, setting his latte down. "And, for all you guys out there, it's a major turn on for the ladies. I mean, they drill you hard in boot camp. And then you get the muscles, and the six pack, and the gals fall head over heels..."

"Which is why you're single," Vick snorted.

Skye looked like he had been shot. "Well... you are too!"

"Hear that, ladies?" Vick grinned. "Single. Any takers?"

"Dude, we are so getting fired..."

"Bah, this is crap anyways. Sorry, I mean bullshit," Vick laughed. "Okay, moving on. Reason number two: the practical jokes." He swiped up a remote from beside Skye's latte. After pressing a button, a projection screen lowered in the auditorium. While it did so, he did some explaining. "See, the Army is built on the number three." He held up three fingers for visual display. "They'll teach you all this in basic training. Three men make a fire team, three fire teams make a squad, three squads make a platoon, so on and so forth. You bunk with your fire team. Skye here is in mine, as well as our Tea Sipper buddy Logan."

"No offence to you British people," Skye added hastily.

"Yeah," Vick nodded. "Anyways, it'll be a bit strange at first, but you'll get to know each other. Us three did. This was the consequence."

He pressed the play button on the remote before sliding into an empty chair between two junior girls in the front row, who giggled as he flashed a triumphant grin at Skye.

The audio on the video started first. The lighting was dark, and there was Vick's voice, though slightly younger, since the video had been taken a few years back.

_"It's the 5th of May...O' Five hundred hours... Logan got bored last night... Skye's just woke up, and he's in the bathroom now..."_

The angle shifted as a hand reached out from behind the cam corder and pushed the door slightly to reveal Skye in full uniform brushing his teeth. "What the..." he muttered, frowning in the mirror. Vick stifled a laugh.

Skye's dark blue eyes widened with horror as he brushed his jet black locks back before emitting a terrified scream at the fact he was missing an eyebrow.

The auditorium erupted in laughter the same time Vick did on the video. Hearing that, it took Skye milliseconds to launch across the bathroom, fling open the door, and tackle the camera man to the ground. "I AM GOING TO FU-"

"Cut out on purpose," Skye coughed from the front of the room.

"Wait for it..." Vick muttered as a white letters fell upon the black screen, spelling out, "ONE DAY LATER".

"Crikeys... What the bloody 'ell...?"

"RIGHT BACK AT YOU! YURRA GUY VERSION OF THE MONA LISA!" Skye screamed from behind the video camera this time.

Logan wheeled around to fling himself at Skye, like a repeat with Vick the previous day, before the camera cut off. However, it managed to get a clear shot of the eyebrow-less British soldier.

"Like I said," Vick continued as he stood up from between the two girls. The lights came back on, revealing Skye sipping his latte on the floor. "Practical jokes. And the third, most important reason..."

"THE DANCE PARTIES!" Skye shouted.

"These guys can't be serious," someone muttered.

"The sad part is, we are," Vick sighed. "Yes, a lot of it is cut throat over in Iraq, but you do get free time. This is what we do with ours. Then again, we're just freaks. Anyways..."

He pressed a few buttons to make the lights dim again and a new video show up. The intro of "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice started up, which already made a few of the students giggle. The black faded as well to show a somewhat aerial view of Skye with his back turned to the camera, as if waiting for someone.

_"Yo VIP... Let's kick it!"_

At that, about thirteen soldiers filed out from view, pointing M-4s and pistols at Skye. They ordered him to turn around, and the lip syncing began. Throughout the entire song. The group of soldiers danced on the Humvee, in front of buildings, and in front of a porta potty, which all fourteen miraculously managed to cram into. Truly epic.

"What else..." Vick muttered from the front of the room, tapping his chin in thought.

Skye stood up. "I think that's it. We're around for a couple weeks here on your lovely campus... any questions?"

A few hands shot up. Skye, of course, picked a lovely brunette to go first. He jogged up the steps to where she sat to hand her the microphone. "Yes?"

"I'm Bridget," she introduced. "Yeah, okay, this might sound strange but... you said your name is Skye Ryder...? I've heard of him before..."

"Not exactly military related, but why not catch up on the latest gossip," Vick shrugged from down below, rolling his brown eyes.

Skye cracked a grin. "That's not surprising. I used to go to school here. I was the quarterback on the football team and a nobody on the soccer team."

"Well, at least your honest."

"At least I was on a sports team, Vick."

"Baseball is a sport!"

"Hardly."

"Stupid idiot..." Vick grumbled. "Any other questions?" He handed his microphone to a boy in the front row when his hand shot up. "...Why do you guys have hair?"

"Because humans grow hair," Vick nodded. "No, I know what you mean. How come we don't have crew cuts. Right. Because Skye and I aren't really the army grunts... we do a more special line of work."

"Oh please, now he's gonna tell us he's a secret agent," the student Skye had labeled Tweedle Dum muttered again.

"Nah, just special forces," Vick grinned. "We go undercover sometimes. Have to blend in. So we get to keep our hair. Style it anyway we want. It rocks."

"So then why are you here?" Tweedle Dum asked. "You get fired?"

"Nope, we just killed everyone that needed killing." Vick wasn't bothered one bit by the fact he was getting bashed in by some stupid jock.

"Oh! Just remembered. Reason number four." Skye came down from inside the crowd as Vick continued. "Joining the Army will ensure you don't live in your mother's basement for the rest of your life and waste your life playing that World of Witchcraft shit."

"It's World of WARcraft, you dwarf!" a nerd screamed from the top of the auditorium.

Skye literally fell down he started laughing so hard. The jocks, preps, even the goths started to giggle at the nerdiness. Vick actually had tears in his eyes. "Yeah... so you're not like that guy!"

After taking several minutes to regain his composure, Skye stood up. "Guess we should recite the serious stuff too..."

"I guess," Vick agreed. "Okay. Join the army."

"It helps your country," Skye growled loudly in a deep rough voice.

"Oh my God, it's the Exorcist!"

"Enough. Get out of here. Sign up."

"Yeah, join us. We've got cookies.

Again with the Exorcist impersonation. "Come to the dark side..."

"Come on now, Skye. You sound like Yoda up there."

"Cool, I am."

"Lame, you are."

"YODA NEVER SAID THAT! THAT'S A SITH LINE, YOU WOOKIE!"

Again with the massive eruption of laughter.

Skye faked a pouty look after managing to regain his composure and stand up straight without doubling over in laughter. "I think we're done here."

"Yeah we are." Vick turned back to the students. "Okay, go back to class. Study hard. Fail miserably. So you can join us. BYE!"

"Wonderful encouragement, Vick."

"Why thank you," the brunette grinned, dimming the lights once more. A new video came up of a shower curtain with singing behind it.

_"Oh what a feeling.... It is believing!"_

A lot of the exiting college students turned around with a frown. Skye was glaring daggers at Vick, who was grinning stupidly as the video continued.

The camera man, who happened to be Vick, pulled back the shower curtain, catching Skye (thankfully waist UP) singing in the shower with fluffy white suds all over him.

"TURN IT OFF!"

"No way!"

_"I can't have it all, now we're dancing for our lives!"_

"I'm going to kill you!" Skye shouted, tackling Vick for the remote.

Oh yes. So professional.


End file.
